Where I Stood
by arisaswordheart
Summary: Edward. New Moon. He's got to leave Bella, he's miserable but it's the right thing to do. All that jazz. Edited to suit gender. Please Read and Review. Can't think of a better summary, sorry. Oneshot.


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Where I Stood

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(Edited to suit the gender)

**Author's Note:** I don't like it very much. It serves though.

**Disclaimer:** I neither own nor claim to own Twilight or the lyrics.

**Song:** Where I Stood, by Missy Higgins

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I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And, honey, you know me it's all or none

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I don't like it. I don't know what I have done to her. I didn't want to do this, I don't even know if it is truly the right thing to do. All I know is that I shouldn't have ever started this relationship with her – then she would never have been in danger and this would have been a decision I would not have to make.

Yet, I can't bring myself to be sorry that I began this relationship. I love her and that will continue to be true.

However, if I stay, she will be in danger. _Run_, my conscience tells me. _Run away_. _Leave her alone and she will be fine_. My body rebels, because I have to have her by my side. She is what keeps me going, my life. It's not a matter of all or none anymore. Even a small reminder of her would be gladly welcome.

A small reminder of the past – of things past.

Bella.

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There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening

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Of course, I have voices in my head; however this was the voice of reasoning which was talking to me. They whispered to me at the quietest times of the night when I sat watching her sleeping – peaceful, serene. Beautiful.

They told me to go. To let her go so she can be safe – so she can live a _normal_ life. A life she cannot have when she is with me. I listened, even as my body rebelled against it. I had to face facts, do what I have to do. If this was what I needed to do to make sure she was safe, then so be it.

I should go and this should end.

I'm doing this for her.

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'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos he will love you more than I could  
He who dares to stand where I stood

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I don't know who I am anymore. I know my name, I know I exist, but beyond that is darkness. Why does it even matter anymore? All that is really left is the pain of leaving someone you love. I can't find my place in the world again – especially after being with you for such a length of time. I can't reassert myself.

Although I told you to find someone else – to find someone who will love you and put you in less danger – I cannot stand the thought of someone else touching you. Someone else. The thought itself boils my blood. Anger. Pain. Sorrow.

But he will love you more than I could. I am not a human – I am a monster. He will put you in less danger. As long as you are happy, I will also try to be.

The one who should stand where I once stood – next to you. Right beside you.

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See I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right  
But you ain't leaving without a fight  
And I think I am just as torn inside

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I thought love was like this, or like that, but I have learned the truth. It is so much more. Things I've only ever read about – now I understand. I understand.

I thought she wouldn't let me go. That she would disbelieve, see through me straight away. When she – you – did believe, it was excruciating. When I have always said I love you, she believed straight away. But she did fight in the end – running after me, not letting me go, even as she believed that I did not love her. That I did not want her.

Do I hurt more than she does? Less?

I am just as torn inside.

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'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos he will love you more than I could  
He who dares to stand where I stood

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And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all  
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
This is what I have to do

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If you ever need me, Bella, I will come. If you call, I will come. You are the only one who I have ever loved and this love will span an eternity. You mean more to me than life itself – because you are life, you are that speck of brightness on a darkening horizon.

I can't trust my decision completely, but I have to do this. In order to keep you safe, from what I am from what we bring. But if you ever need me, I will come.

Because you are my love and my life.

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'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos he will love you more than I could  
He who dares to stand where I stood  
Oh, he who dares to stand where I stood

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**Author's Note:** What possessed me to write another? I'm not sure it's any good, but I wanted to use the song, so there we go. – sigh – Why is it always New Moon though, hmm?

Thanks for reading. Please **Review!**

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